SIGH. 

I have written and erased many eloquent words and fancy imagery. 

All of it carrying authentic emotions and truths from my heart. 

I am not sure what I expected when motherhood changed from death to life. 

This eclipsing of joy and grief has been inoculating. 

I have so much to say and words have failed me. 

Sometimes laughter and tears are the most beautiful words a person can give. 

What has the last 4 months looked like? 

A lot of laughter. 

A lot of tears. 

My soul leaks with pain 

My heart welcomes laughter as medicine. 

I know I have said this before - but life is far more both/and than

It is either/or 

If I have gained anything in this narrative so far… 

It is that being a mother has far more to do with being a daughter. 

I love Him. 

He is a good Father. 

Pain may yell that His promise was never real. 

His word tells me a different story. 

Rest and know that He is who He says that He is.