You never realize how much chaos is swirling until it’s not anymore.
With every step of grief, the tornado of loss swells and swells.
Kicking up the debris left in the wreckage of pain.

Without warning it stops - the dust settles
Adjusting to the peace feels…odd - foreign
The fog clears and the reality of all that has been swirling - is seen

Like the coolness of Autumn you suck in a breath that fills your entire body. Making its way into every broken and brittle place. Filling your lungs with something so healing it can only be Jesus & for the first time in months your spirit smiles.

The phrase “Survival Mode” is fully grasped - I didn’t realize I was there…
One day I stopped crying when I woke up.
One day I started writing again.

In my brain that meant things were getting better? right? maybe?
Until that breath came - that peace that surpasses understanding.
That’s when I knew that what I was waking up to, was survival to accomplish the mundane.
I did not intentionally tell myself “OK Blake. Time to survive” - It just happened…which tells me quite a bit about the human heart (more on that some other time)

But I know this…Its not a lonely tornado
Jesus was in my chaos - the feelings of loneliness never hit me
Which is a gift all on its own.

It would be erroneous to tell you that I still don’t have a few days or weeks when a new step in this journey causes the tornado to swirl again. Sometimes I know it’s there and I choose the easy thing & let it swirl. Sometimes I don’t have any idea I’ve been walking in it - until it stops again.

“When God began creating the heavens and the earth, the earth was a shapeless, chaotic mass, with the Spirit of God brooding over the dark vapors” Genesis 1

He is creating in your chaos.
He sees.
He knows.
He’s watching.
All that He is, is available to all who seek Him.

Take a deep breath.
The Alpha & Omega is HERE